Mother/Teacher of the Year I am not...

McKenzie got to bed late one night this week...thus started the absolute worst morning I think I've had in a long time.

She did NOT want to get up. I got tears at everything and absolutely NO cooperation in getting dressed and ready to go. I ended up yelling at her…that made her cry more, which made me feel like absolute crap. She proceeded to cry buckets of tears because I wouldn’t carry her to the bathroom to brush her teeth. I yelled some more…she cried some more. She finally made it to the bathroom…I got her toothbrush ready…she cried because she couldn’t pick which toothbrush she wanted to use. I left the bathroom and shut the door…or more accurately, slammed the door. While I tried to calm down in the hallway, she cried even harder. I finally went back into the bathroom and found her crying while brushing her teeth. She proceeded to tell me (while sobbing every other word) that I scared her. That sent me over the edge emotionally…I felt like the shittiest mother on the planet…I had scared my 2-year-old with my morning ranting. So now she’s crying, I’m crying…and we’re running late. Then she didn’t want to put on the chapstick because it wasn’t her little pink one. (Of course, I have NO CLUE where her pink chapstick is…I lose those stupid things all the freaking time.)

We finally make it to the car…drove to work/daycare with no troubles—except for the fact that I had to stop at EVERY stoplight…which always seems to happen when I am running behind—I cried the whole way and she quietly looked out her window. I just kept apologizing to her…not sure if she understands.

I ended up being snappy at everyone that day…got to school and remembered that I told a student that she could finish her Accounting test that morning at 7:30…I wasn’t even to half way to McKenzie's daycare by 7:30…knew it wasn't going to be a good day.

Even if you have to lie to me this morning…please tell me that I am not the most horrible mother in the world despite the fact that I yelled at my 2-year-old enough to scare her. I never want to hear her say that to me…it absolutely broke my heart into pieces.

To make matters worse, I had a bad first period class…was NOT prepared…gave a crappy lecture…I didn’t even understand what I was talking about…my students just gave me a blank stare as if they were saying, “What the hell?!?!?” I just avoided eye contact…

I worried about McKenzie all day. I was anxious to pick her up from daycare...would she still be scared of me? What would I do if she was? My heart was pounding as I walked up the stairs and opened the door. I could see the daycare worker calling to McKenzie to tell her that I was there to pick her up...and she ran to greet me as she always does! She ran with the regular excitement in her face. I cannot express how relieved I was...that she was still "Mommy's girl"...and honestly a little peeved deep, deep down that she greeted me like it had been an ordinary day (because my day was nothing even close to ordinary)...and a lot grateful at the same time. Hope she is as forgiving and easy going when she reaches middle school... :)

Things I Don't Understand

I have recently discovered that there are things that I just don't understand...while I could make a list a mile long, I settled on the list of things just from the last few days...

1. With 20 million applications on my new Blackberry, I can figure out how to interact with facebook and check my e-mail...but why can't I figure out how to turn the ringer off during school?

2. Why does it bother me so much when my trash can is not in its normal usual spot? I came into work this morning like usual...sat down at my desk like usual...went to throw away my banana peel...reached to the right side of my desk to drop it in the trash can...and proceeded to drop it straight on the floor. The cleaning staff left my trash can by my classroom door...

3. Why is Wite-Out so interesting to HS students? If a bottle of the stupid stuff is left on the desk, the next student to come in is opening the bottle and putting random white lines on everything...their assignment, their notebook, their backpack, the Wite-Out bottle itself... During my first year of teaching, I actually had three students who put Wite-Out on their tongues! (In my defense, they started doing it the class period before they came to my room...they just continued the "party" in my classroom.) Turns out that it could be just a little toxic...(is that like being a "little bit pregnant"???) I guess these particular students didn't take time to read the warning on the label..."DO NOT SWALLOW OR INHALE. WARNING: Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents can be harmful or fatal." No surprise...they each had a pretty good gut ache a bit later...DUH!!